Published March 28, 2002 in issue #0008 of the Hook

BY ROSALIND WARFIELD-BROWN

It had to be every performer's nightmare, and it wasn't too pleasant for members of the audience either.

On Saturday night, March 23, about 50 theater-goers settled cozily into the New Dance Space above Hamiltons' expecting a 90-minute refresher course on life, love, sex, death, and other works in progress from local actor/masseur-about-town Stevie Jay.

What they got instead was a lesson in bad audience behavior.

Although Stevie Jay is explicit about his requirements go to the bathroom before you sit down, don't talk during the show, no cuddling, and turn off the cell phones a couple of members of Saturday's audience didn't want to play by his rules. About 15 minutes into the gig, a woman jumped up and ran down the steps.

"What's happening?" inquired Stevie testily.

"She's vibrating," one of her eight or nine buff companions (all of whom, we learned, work at a local gym) replied to general laughter.

But Stevie wasn't amused.

With difficulty he resumed his monologue, but when the miscreant reappeared and began banging on the locked door, he stopped the show again, bolted down the stairs carrying her purse and coat, and explained that she wasn't welcome to return.

"You must not have children!" she snapped.

"Yes, I do have children," Stevie retorted. "Come back another night, girlfriend."

Well, "one for all and all for one" turns out to be that gang's motto: up they started, and out the door they boogied, all but two indecisive ones, dithering at the end of the front row. Stevie took a conciliatory approach, sitting on one's lap, cooing, "Do you feel that you have to go, too? Go ahead, it's okay." She and her pal left.

For those of us riveted to our seats, the rest of the show was sorta anticlimactic. Without planning it, Stevie Jay had put on one of the best performances in town, and the fitness gals had demonstrated how unfit an audience can be.

Though Stevie Jay, who collects the admission at the end of the show, now says that performance is one of his favorites because of its spontaneity, he regrets the loss of nearly $100.

And as for his "child," well, that would be his show and, as any parent knows, it's painful to watch Junior get picked on.

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