Published May 15, 2003, in issue #0219 of The Hook

Worst local weather: A vicious thunderstorm and unconfirmed tornadotear through Central Virginia May 9, killing James R. Ward when a tree falls on his Buckingham County home.

Worst episode of girls gone wild: Seniors at suburban Glenbrook North High School in Illinois are videotaped beating junior girls, as well as dumping garbage and smearing feces on them at what was supposed to be a powder puff football game.

Worst finale to an illustrious career: As if his two losing seasons albeit sellouts at MCI Center-- with the Washington Wizards weren't bad enough, superstar Michael Jordan is fired by Wizards owner Abe Pollan.

Worst rampage: Bumpass resident Charles B. Henshaw is shot by police May 12 after he rams a truck into a school, sets fire to a barn, and attacks an armored car, according to a Progress report.

Worst layoffs: Sprint chops 142 local jobs.

Best week for actual, erstwhile, and titular heads of state: Irish President Mary McAleese opens the "Re-Imagining Ireland" conference May 7; Jordan's Queen Noor née Lisa Halaby talks to College of William and Mary's grads (and is joined by former British prime minister Margaret Thatcher), and Danish prime minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen speaks at the Hampden-Sydney College graduation.

Worst threatening of state universities by a state delegate: Robert G. Marshall, whose complaint about the "morning- after pill" took it off the shelves at JMU, hints at withholding state funds from UVA if it doesn't tell him how many students use morning-after contraceptives, Kate Andrews reports in the Daily Progress.

Worst statistic: The number of confirmed attacks on women by the serial rapist rises to six when forensic evidence adds an April 26 JPA assault. See news story.

Worst omen for the proposed Preston Commons development: Zero developers bid on the project.

Worst man-beats-cat story: Jason T. Portock of Virginia Beach is sentenced to six months in jail May 6, becoming the first in the state to be convicted of felony animal cruelty after beating his wife's cat to death.

Worst mother-son activities: Sarah Frances Jackson and her two sons, Christopher Joe Tibbs and Charles Johnson Tibbs, are charged with felony abductions and robbery, the Progress reports.

Worst news for county recyclers: Albemarle County finally announces it's dumping its recycling program, which The Hook reported March 19.

Worst way to get the recycling word out: Tucked into real estate tax bills, which doesn't notify renters or those who are so shocked by their increased assessments that they don't read the County newsletter.

Best anniversary: Charlottesville's City Market celebrates 30 years on May 10.

Best Library of Congress benefactor: John W. Kluge, who's given $73 million to the national library, is honored May 6-7 at the opening of the John W. Kluge Center for Scholars, to which he contributed a $60 million endowment.

Best Patricia Kluge plug in the Washington Post: The May 7 Food section item, "Charlottesville Chic," raves about her "jewellike carryout market."

Best draw for the Boyd Tinsley $25,000 USTA pro tennis championship: No, it's not Dave Matthews. Anna Kournikova is scheduled to appear at the Boar's Head tournament although she withdrew from the Cloister Cup on May 10 because of an injury.

Worst Progress juxtaposition: "United Way shortfall to trickle down" tops a May 12 photo of a woman holding what appears to a hose-like device trickling down that shortfall. Below the fold, readers learn that the man in the photo is actually undergoing laser hair removal.

Best front-page article on male laser hair removal: See above.

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