Published August 12, 2004, in issue 0332 of The Hook

Biggest migration: Thirty-two students take advantage of the school choice option and leave Clark Elementary after the school fails to meet the requirements of the federal No Child Left Behind act.

Latest requested addition to Madison County curriculum: Creationism in life sciences classrooms, proposed by School Board member and Baptist pastor Doug Farmer, according to an article by Olympia Meola in the Daily Progress. The School Board blows off Farmer's request for a committee to study the legality of such a move.

Latest Louisa lawsuit: Child Evangelism Fellowship is claiming discrimination in U.S. District Court because the Louisa County school system charged the organization $25 an hour to use a classroom after school, while Boy Scouts and Future Farmers were given space for free, Liesel Nowak reports in the Progress.

Worst accidental shooting: A startled 11-year-old girl fires a .22-caliber pistol she finds in a relative's bedroom into her 9-year-old sister's face August 4.

Worst gassing: Kappa Alpha fraternity on Rugby Road is doused with gasoline late August 5.

Lamest steak heist: After an alleged attempt to walk out of Food Lion with meat stuffed in a Kroger bag and a receipt that doesn't include beef, Charles Arnette Wood is charged with larceny July 28, Reed Williams reports in the Progress.

Worst Kroger fracas: Barracks Road employee Allen Pritt is accused of attacking the store manager with a wine bottle and then slashing the butcher on his way out of the store August 2 after he is fired for refusing to stock some items, according to the Progress.

Newest polling place: The Miller Center replaces the now-for-sale Kappa Sig auditorium as the place to vote in the East Ivy precinct.

Highest-level terror alert: Financial institutions in New York, Washington, and Newark batten down the hatches based on four-year-old al-Qaida surveillance.

Worst response to a 911 call: Snoring, which is what a Glen Burnie, Maryland, woman hears when she calls 911 July 29.

Worst weather for beachgoers: Tropical Storm Alex hits the Outer Banks August 3.

Worst deficit: $445 billion. The good news: it's less than the $521 billion shortfall projected by the White House.

Best news for State Farmers: The insurance giant will add between 200 and 300 jobs in the next couple of years-- after shucking 151 local jobs in 2003.

Best breasts: A new mother's, of course. Governor Mark Warner proclaims August Breast Feeding Awareness Month.

Best comeback: Maggots are now sanctioned for wounds that won't heal, making "maggot-infested wound" a good thing, we guess. Also in: leeches.

Biggest grass haul: Albemarle police arrest Forbes Reback Jr. August 8 for allegedly growing 11 pot plants.

Biggest bluegrass haul: Patricia Kluge's July 24 festival raises $20,000 for the town of Scottsville.

Best news for Atkins-haters: Hardee's announces a new Loaded Biscuit 'N' Gravy Breakfast Bowl.

Best second act: eightyone, the Shenandoah Valley alternative paper that folded in 2002, is back with an August issue.

Best column on whiney football coaches: Bob Lipper in the August 2 Richmond Times-Dispatch notes how coaches love publicity on hotshot recruits-- until they're arrested. He blasts UVA's Al Groh, who criticized press coverage of Ahmad Bradshaw's arrest for underage drinking and obstruction of justice after trying to outrun police. Bradshaw won't be playing this year.

Most touching testimonial: Tom Cruise tells the Daily Mirror he still believes in love and marriage, despite failed unions with actresses Mimi Rogers and Nicole Kidman, and splitting up with girlfriend Penelope Cruz.

#

>> Back to The HooK front page