Published on October 6, 2005 in issue 0439 of the Hook

BY LINDSAY BARNES

Glimmer Twins. Pseudonym for the duo of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, usually found in the liner notes preceded by the words "produced by." Don't confuse that moniker with the Toxic Twins (Steven Tyler and Joe Perry of Aerosmith), the Wonder Twins (Marvin and Wendy) or the Thompson Twins (of which there are actually three).

Nanker Phelge. Claim you know this composer of songs like "Play with Fire," "2120 South Michigan Avenue," and "The Under Assistant West Coast Promotion Man" and you'll look ridiculous. It's actually another nom de plume for Jagger and Richards. However, mention how you used to hang out with Mick and Keith's buddy Jimmy Phelge back in the early days of the Stones-- instant credibility.

Little Boy Blue and the Blue Boys. Mick and Keith's first band, formed while Mick was still a student at the London School of Economics. Drop that name, and you're either a) dating yourself terribly or b) getting backstage.

Marquee Club. This was the venue for the very first Rolling Stones show-- on July 12, 1962. The original building has since been taken over by new management, but the club did relocate to another site nearby. Therefore, when speaking of the Marquee, shake your head sadly and lament, "It's just not the same anymore."

Leicester Square. That's the section of London where the Marquee Club is located and where the Stones hung out in the early- to mid-'60s. Do not say "Lie-kest-er" or they'll know you for a phony. It's pronounced just like the name Lester.

Andrew Loog Oldham. He was the Stones' manager/producer until 1968 and the man who convinced Mick and Keith they should write their own songs. Whatever you do, don't call him "Loogie."

Chuck Berry. The first and best way to get a conversation started with Keith. After all these years, he's still the St. Louis rocker's biggest fan. Tell him you were in the audience when Richards backed up Berry at his 60th birthday concert (prepare by watching the 1987 film of the concert, Hail! Hail! Rock 'n' Roll.)

Jerry Hall. The absolute worst way to get a conversation started with Mick.

Ned Kelly. It's the 1967 Australian film that marked Mick's acting debut. He's still flexing his thespian muscles these days in films like Bent and The Man from Elysian Fields, so he wouldn't mind a little ego stroke for this blast from the past.

Villa Nellcote. Located in Villefranche-sur-Mer on the French Mediterranean coast, it's the mansion Keith Richards once owned where the classic album Exile on Main St. was recorded. For extra authenticity, don't forget to add that you visited the nearby Saint Michel chapel.

Darryl Jones. He's the anonymous fellow playing bass for the Stones these days, since Bill Wyman left the band in 1993. Telling security you're a friend of his is a lot more believable than claiming to be a mate o' Mick. Alternate name-drop: Keyboard playing sideman Chuck Leavell.

Goddess in the Doorway. Mick's 2001 solo album. Featuring such enormous stars as Bono, Pete Townshend, Lenny Kravitz, and Wyclef Jean, it inexplicably bombed with record buyers. To say you own this album makes you part of an intimate club indeed.

Ian Stewart. This piano player was actually a Rolling Stone before Mick and Keith, because he was the first to join up with founding guitarist Brian Jones. Though he was never an official member of the band once they got famous (management didn't think his clean cut looks and pudgy physique fit the band), he did stay on as a session player and toured with the group off and on until his death in 1985.

Ode to a High Flying Bird. While everyone is swarming to talk to Mick and Keith, your best chance to talk to a Stone might be seeking out Charlie Watts and mentioning this title. It's the cartoon book he published in 1964 as a tribute to jazz legend Charlie Parker.

Sidcup Art College. The English academy Keith attended as a teenager. Don't mention anything about a degree, though. He was expelled before he could graduate.

Ameriquest. Jovan helped the '81 tour smell so good. Ameriquest is the corporate sponsor for the A Bigger Bang tour, and if all else fails, counterfeiting a few business cards with their logo couldn't hurt.

Didja know he's an author?

Jovan in '81. Ameriquest today!

When Mick was an actor

Don't mention this Hall to Mick.
REUTERS PHOTO

#