Colin Steers
PHOTO COURTESY OF BRAVOTV

Last week, brainiac Colin Steers, Charlottesville’s least likely reality star, narrowly avoided elimination on Make Me a Supermodel (Wednesday, 10pm, BravoTV), gasping, “That was the scariest thing in the world!” as he embraced fellow contestants after exiting the catwalk (apparently, facing down model mentor Nicole Trunfio is the same as nuclear Armageddon).

This week, the Carleton College student awoke to host Tyson Beckford in drill-sergeant fatigues banging pans. After a bone-jangling trip in the back of a camouflaged truck, Colin and his fellow model wannabes arrived at a naval warship, where Beckford informed them that they would work in groups of three for this week’s photo challenge and play “military personnel sneaking off to engage in an illicit, erotic encounter.”

Colin, whose virginity has been established as the series’ primary subplot, confessed to the camera, “A twosome would have been a good starting point for someone like me, but a menage à trois? Okay, I guess…run-of-the-mill model stuff…” Our nerd-a-licious local then gamely donned a flight jacket, aviator shades, and a sailor’s cap, prompting his would-be deflowerer, Kerryn, to blush and gush to the camera, “When Colin got in that uniform today, I don’t know… hmmm…my gosh….”

After several trios groped, bit, and nuzzled their way through the challenge, Colin, teamed with female contestants Salome and Laury, rose to the occasion (ahem) and ended the shoot with his tongue deep down Laury’s throat. The photographer praised Colin’s performance, and our wide-eyed boy said, “I was really feeling it, which is huge for me! And this is the everyday life of a model! It’s a sweet gig!” (As if the photo challenge weren’t porn-y enough, the show then sent challenge winner Jonathan off to a go-see for an underwear campaign, where viewers enjoyed several more minutes of ogling his ripped physique. Bravo Bravo for being so flesh-tastic!)

Meanwhile, the other models underwent the humiliation of getting measured to “gauge their progress.” Our boy Colin remained out of the camera’s eye, which is always a good sign for a contestant’s survival. Kerryn, Colin’s likely carnal Svengali, however, revealed to the camera that she went to a “Christian modeling school” (who knew such a thing existed?) and, at the ripe age of 24, had already married and divorced.

For this week’s catwalk challenge, Beckford announced the wannabes would “continue pushing the boundaries of sexuality and modeling” and informed the male contestants, “Guys, you will be rocking skirts this week.” But these were no kilts–currently the rage in the male fashion world–no, these were more like mid-calf, frothy, Little-Bo-Peep-style concoctions. Charlottesville’s handsome geek, though, did, indeed, “rock” his skirt, striding down the catwalk with steely-eyed determination, which landed him squarely in the middle of the “safe” pack.

Stay tuned to find out what happens next week on Colin’s own reality show within a reality show, Make me a Super Non-Virgin.

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